I know no one is reading this. I just need to vent. :(
After the investigator came Kate left with her boyfriend and has not been home since. Jeff got multiple phone messages each day that she had not reported to school. ( She's 18 so there is not much we can do).
I did manage to talk to her one day. I tried to explain how much I care and that she's not making good choices. No outcome.
One of her little friends had the nerve to tell me to back off because "I'm not her mom". ( What are parents teaching their children about respect now a days?) I, in a professional manner, put her in her place.
Eventually she called Jeff and explained she decided she was not going to come home. He is distraught but tries hard to put on a hard exterior.
I left kate a simple " :(" which lead her mother to call Jeff and ask that "I not get involved and leave her alone." Of course then he gets mad because he doesn't want to hear from her. So I finally felt like setting it straight. I let her know that he is tired of being in the middle and I'm tired of her trying to induce drama. If she has a problem with me, she can confront me like an adult. She in turn tried to say I caused the drama and called Jeff again complaining. I told her that was my point exactly. She's not mature enough to just talk to me, she doesn't show me respect ( wonder where Kate got it?).
Anyway. She has now moved in with boyfriend issue #2. She is still not showing up to school, we know because the school sends automated messages to Jeff's phone. When he called to talk to the councilor she had 3 or 4 F's in her classes. I'm so mad I can't even begin to express it. Its boiling inside of me. She took a lot of her clothes but there is a mass of crap all over her room. I wanted to go in and trash what needed to be throw away ( you should see the tissues on the floor and a pile of empty cigarette boxes???) But he wouldn't let me. I keep trying to get him to turn off her cell phone but he keeps saying " soon". I'm tired of her using him and he just goes along with it. Today she even deleted the two of us of her facebook. Yet she is still talking to his ex on the phone on a regular basis. This further proves my point that while the EX told us she does not support what Kate is doing, Kate told me that she does. If the EX was really on our side and trying to enforce the sames things we are, Kate would "hate" her too.
I'm so done. I don't want to see her smug face anymore. Her or her mother's.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
It Continues...
So the investigator came and talked with my husband, his daughter, and his ex wife. ( If you read my past post the ex-wife asked that I stay out of it this time.) I was not thrilled with the situation but I needed to study for one of my classes ( I went back to school a couple years ago).
The investigator talked to her about what would happen if she were to get caught, all the various outcomes of different situations, including being in the car with her boyfriend if he his pulled over and he has drugs. Then the investigator talked to my husband and the EX. He apparently told them that they should both go to counseling WITH their daughter. This way there is no blaming-he said- she said issues and everything can be worked out on the spot. I understand the concept, I just have a problem with it. Once again I am left out of the equation, while they get to go work out their 'issues'. I am apart of this too, but no one wants to see it that way.
We have been together six years, I am a constant and influential figure in her life, I am there when they fight for hours and have to deal with the consequence of her needing to be driven places because her car was taken away.
I'm just frustrated. I tried to explain to my husband how ostracized I feel and how I don't like feeling like this. He only grew agitated stating that he already had a lot on his mind and did not need another fight.
Sigh...
The investigator talked to her about what would happen if she were to get caught, all the various outcomes of different situations, including being in the car with her boyfriend if he his pulled over and he has drugs. Then the investigator talked to my husband and the EX. He apparently told them that they should both go to counseling WITH their daughter. This way there is no blaming-he said- she said issues and everything can be worked out on the spot. I understand the concept, I just have a problem with it. Once again I am left out of the equation, while they get to go work out their 'issues'. I am apart of this too, but no one wants to see it that way.
We have been together six years, I am a constant and influential figure in her life, I am there when they fight for hours and have to deal with the consequence of her needing to be driven places because her car was taken away.
I'm just frustrated. I tried to explain to my husband how ostracized I feel and how I don't like feeling like this. He only grew agitated stating that he already had a lot on his mind and did not need another fight.
Sigh...
Monday, January 17, 2011
Video killed the radio star and MTV killed the perception of reality
It first became evident when she turned 'sweet sixteen'. She 'informed' her father that he was to rent out a local club, a band, and present her with a car for her birthday, yet , she did not want him to attend. I rolled my eyes as this, it seemed frivolous I figured it would pass. He of course reminded her of all the money he spent supporting her mother ( his ex) for the first year or so they were separated and then the exorbitant amount of money he spent on the lawyer, the trials, and relinquishing half his 401K and the entire house.
It grew worse.
She demanded, he gave in. He constantly bought her phones, expensive instruments she never played, and she never lifted a finger. Now, you have to understand there is a history here. The child was an accident of young frivolity. The mother continued with light drugs and heavy alcohol before realizing she was pregnant. Fast forward to a child with multiple health problems and $50,000 of debt from hospital bills.
He felt responsible for her childhood struggles and in a desperate move to make up for it, spoils her.
The situation has finally peaked. She is a spitting image of her mother's blatant temper and demanding nature. She is manipulative and ungrateful. The ungratefulness being what bothers me the most. The past year I have been privy to her screaming of how much she hates her life. How she hates the house, hates her father, hates everything. Six months ago she moved out with and into a house with her boyfriend of the time ( she just turned 18 but still had her senior year of high school ahead of her). There she started smoking, drinking, and apparently messing around with her boyfriend's friends. It ended as quickly as it started and she was back in no time. When she returned, my husband discovered her popping Xanax. There was some punishment. Grounded for two weeks, no cell, no computer. The last two weeks of summer she was confined to the house.
From there it seemed to get better. She eventually opened up to me and we had a wonderful talk about how she wants her father to care and I tried to explain that he does and that is why he punished her.
Then she started dating boy issue #2. A 22 year old who works at a chain fast food restaurant. The biggest problem we had was that he never 'took her out'. They didn't go to dinner or to the movies, they always 'hung out' at his house. Eventually we discovered he wasn't 'ready' for a relationship and they were just 'dating'. Of course you can probably see through this as I can. A 22 year old 'not ready' for a relationship with a 18 year old who is desperate for his attention and constantly chases after him. She is being used.
Then we find out shes popping Aderol! Of course she got it from him. She is failing her semester of her senior year and is smoking pot on a regular basis.
My husband has made it clear that he does not want her seeing him but feels like he can't stop it. He feels that he can't ground or control her because she is 18. It drives me mad!!
Yesterday he forgot his wallet, came back, and boyfriend#2 was in our house!! She of course claimed she didn't think it was an issue. My husband went off. Neighbors have informed him that BF#2 is apparently running drugs in the town we live in. He called an investigator for the police but apparently there is nothing we can do. We can't file trespassing because his daughter wants bf#2 to be there. We can do anything about the drug claims because there is no proof unless she reports that she got it from him.
It is a nightmare. She was screaming how my husband is 'ruining her life' because he took away her car, her phone, and her computer. She explained that when she moves out she will smoke pot every day. I listened to the screaming for 2 hours before I exploded. "IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!".
I am at a loss. My husband was furious. "I told you to stay out of it! I don't want there to be a rift between you two!" Not only that but his ex-wife asked that I stay out if it. THAT is what drives me insane. The woman that dropped off their daughter on our doorstep and said " she's your problem now" and has no positive role in their daughter's life...
Tonight they're meeting with the afore mentioned investigator. My husband, his ex, and their daughter are sitting down to talk to him about what she's getting herself into. Notice I am not invited. I am so sick of the drama. I never did drugs. I was raised in a good family that ate dinner together every night and I can't comprehend why anyone would act the way she does. Yes I rebelled as teenager. I got piercings and tattoos. I dyed my hair funny colors. I never did drugs. I always held a job, sometimes two, and I worked for the money to buy the things that I wanted.
I just don't know what to do. Or how to feel. I have explained to my husband that if this continues when we have a child his daughter is NOT welcome around it. He was furious by this statement saying it would put a rift between him and I. But what else is there to do?
It grew worse.
She demanded, he gave in. He constantly bought her phones, expensive instruments she never played, and she never lifted a finger. Now, you have to understand there is a history here. The child was an accident of young frivolity. The mother continued with light drugs and heavy alcohol before realizing she was pregnant. Fast forward to a child with multiple health problems and $50,000 of debt from hospital bills.
He felt responsible for her childhood struggles and in a desperate move to make up for it, spoils her.
The situation has finally peaked. She is a spitting image of her mother's blatant temper and demanding nature. She is manipulative and ungrateful. The ungratefulness being what bothers me the most. The past year I have been privy to her screaming of how much she hates her life. How she hates the house, hates her father, hates everything. Six months ago she moved out with and into a house with her boyfriend of the time ( she just turned 18 but still had her senior year of high school ahead of her). There she started smoking, drinking, and apparently messing around with her boyfriend's friends. It ended as quickly as it started and she was back in no time. When she returned, my husband discovered her popping Xanax. There was some punishment. Grounded for two weeks, no cell, no computer. The last two weeks of summer she was confined to the house.
From there it seemed to get better. She eventually opened up to me and we had a wonderful talk about how she wants her father to care and I tried to explain that he does and that is why he punished her.
Then she started dating boy issue #2. A 22 year old who works at a chain fast food restaurant. The biggest problem we had was that he never 'took her out'. They didn't go to dinner or to the movies, they always 'hung out' at his house. Eventually we discovered he wasn't 'ready' for a relationship and they were just 'dating'. Of course you can probably see through this as I can. A 22 year old 'not ready' for a relationship with a 18 year old who is desperate for his attention and constantly chases after him. She is being used.
Then we find out shes popping Aderol! Of course she got it from him. She is failing her semester of her senior year and is smoking pot on a regular basis.
My husband has made it clear that he does not want her seeing him but feels like he can't stop it. He feels that he can't ground or control her because she is 18. It drives me mad!!
Yesterday he forgot his wallet, came back, and boyfriend#2 was in our house!! She of course claimed she didn't think it was an issue. My husband went off. Neighbors have informed him that BF#2 is apparently running drugs in the town we live in. He called an investigator for the police but apparently there is nothing we can do. We can't file trespassing because his daughter wants bf#2 to be there. We can do anything about the drug claims because there is no proof unless she reports that she got it from him.
It is a nightmare. She was screaming how my husband is 'ruining her life' because he took away her car, her phone, and her computer. She explained that when she moves out she will smoke pot every day. I listened to the screaming for 2 hours before I exploded. "IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!".
I am at a loss. My husband was furious. "I told you to stay out of it! I don't want there to be a rift between you two!" Not only that but his ex-wife asked that I stay out if it. THAT is what drives me insane. The woman that dropped off their daughter on our doorstep and said " she's your problem now" and has no positive role in their daughter's life...
Tonight they're meeting with the afore mentioned investigator. My husband, his ex, and their daughter are sitting down to talk to him about what she's getting herself into. Notice I am not invited. I am so sick of the drama. I never did drugs. I was raised in a good family that ate dinner together every night and I can't comprehend why anyone would act the way she does. Yes I rebelled as teenager. I got piercings and tattoos. I dyed my hair funny colors. I never did drugs. I always held a job, sometimes two, and I worked for the money to buy the things that I wanted.
I just don't know what to do. Or how to feel. I have explained to my husband that if this continues when we have a child his daughter is NOT welcome around it. He was furious by this statement saying it would put a rift between him and I. But what else is there to do?
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