It first became evident when she turned 'sweet sixteen'. She 'informed' her father that he was to rent out a local club, a band, and present her with a car for her birthday, yet , she did not want him to attend. I rolled my eyes as this, it seemed frivolous I figured it would pass. He of course reminded her of all the money he spent supporting her mother ( his ex) for the first year or so they were separated and then the exorbitant amount of money he spent on the lawyer, the trials, and relinquishing half his 401K and the entire house.
It grew worse.
She demanded, he gave in. He constantly bought her phones, expensive instruments she never played, and she never lifted a finger. Now, you have to understand there is a history here. The child was an accident of young frivolity. The mother continued with light drugs and heavy alcohol before realizing she was pregnant. Fast forward to a child with multiple health problems and $50,000 of debt from hospital bills.
He felt responsible for her childhood struggles and in a desperate move to make up for it, spoils her.
The situation has finally peaked. She is a spitting image of her mother's blatant temper and demanding nature. She is manipulative and ungrateful. The ungratefulness being what bothers me the most. The past year I have been privy to her screaming of how much she hates her life. How she hates the house, hates her father, hates everything. Six months ago she moved out with and into a house with her boyfriend of the time ( she just turned 18 but still had her senior year of high school ahead of her). There she started smoking, drinking, and apparently messing around with her boyfriend's friends. It ended as quickly as it started and she was back in no time. When she returned, my husband discovered her popping Xanax. There was some punishment. Grounded for two weeks, no cell, no computer. The last two weeks of summer she was confined to the house.
From there it seemed to get better. She eventually opened up to me and we had a wonderful talk about how she wants her father to care and I tried to explain that he does and that is why he punished her.
Then she started dating boy issue #2. A 22 year old who works at a chain fast food restaurant. The biggest problem we had was that he never 'took her out'. They didn't go to dinner or to the movies, they always 'hung out' at his house. Eventually we discovered he wasn't 'ready' for a relationship and they were just 'dating'. Of course you can probably see through this as I can. A 22 year old 'not ready' for a relationship with a 18 year old who is desperate for his attention and constantly chases after him. She is being used.
Then we find out shes popping Aderol! Of course she got it from him. She is failing her semester of her senior year and is smoking pot on a regular basis.
My husband has made it clear that he does not want her seeing him but feels like he can't stop it. He feels that he can't ground or control her because she is 18. It drives me mad!!
Yesterday he forgot his wallet, came back, and boyfriend#2 was in our house!! She of course claimed she didn't think it was an issue. My husband went off. Neighbors have informed him that BF#2 is apparently running drugs in the town we live in. He called an investigator for the police but apparently there is nothing we can do. We can't file trespassing because his daughter wants bf#2 to be there. We can do anything about the drug claims because there is no proof unless she reports that she got it from him.
It is a nightmare. She was screaming how my husband is 'ruining her life' because he took away her car, her phone, and her computer. She explained that when she moves out she will smoke pot every day. I listened to the screaming for 2 hours before I exploded. "IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!".
I am at a loss. My husband was furious. "I told you to stay out of it! I don't want there to be a rift between you two!" Not only that but his ex-wife asked that I stay out if it. THAT is what drives me insane. The woman that dropped off their daughter on our doorstep and said " she's your problem now" and has no positive role in their daughter's life...
Tonight they're meeting with the afore mentioned investigator. My husband, his ex, and their daughter are sitting down to talk to him about what she's getting herself into. Notice I am not invited. I am so sick of the drama. I never did drugs. I was raised in a good family that ate dinner together every night and I can't comprehend why anyone would act the way she does. Yes I rebelled as teenager. I got piercings and tattoos. I dyed my hair funny colors. I never did drugs. I always held a job, sometimes two, and I worked for the money to buy the things that I wanted.
I just don't know what to do. Or how to feel. I have explained to my husband that if this continues when we have a child his daughter is NOT welcome around it. He was furious by this statement saying it would put a rift between him and I. But what else is there to do?
No comments:
Post a Comment